Women in midlife

I read the words of a wise spirit years ago.  It went something like this:  there is always only one choice.  In every moment you choose for love or you choose for fear. Simple, isn’t it? 

Think of the times when you have been agonizing about a decision.  Do I go with my heart or my head?  Is the list of pros longer than the list of cons?  What if I make a mistake?

In such moments of decision or indecision, we can ask ourselves instead:  Which is the choice for love and which is for fear?  It can bring amazing clarity.

Another simple choice is:  choosing love versus choosing to be right.  Can you remember the last time you were “arguing” with someone?  Especially a loved one.  You wanted to be understood.  (S)he wanted to be understood.

To go on with your point is to choose for being right.  And what do you gain?  If instead, you chose to listen and say something of what you’re understanding wouldn’t you be choosing for love?  Which do you choose?

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In my women's group that meets monthly we recently completed an exercise that they felt was very worthwhile.  It made such an impact on them that I told them I'd write a blog about it.

The exercise:  each person was given time to write down all the positive adjectives or phrases that she could think of that applied to her.  Then one at a time, the group read their lists.

After each person's reading, the rest of the group gave her additional phrases or adjectives that described aspects that they saw that she had "forgotten" or not acknowledged.  These each person wrote down on her list.  Frequently, murmurs of agreement were heard after a new adjective. Or others affirmed it by telling a short story about how true that observation was.

I am guessing that at minimum the group came up with twice as many different ones than each woman's original list. 

Each participant felt it was an unusually affirming and empowering experience.  It meant so much to them that they mentioned it months later.  One wrote her list down in a little notebook that she always carries with her.  She said this way she'd always have it whenever she was "down" on herself or just wanted to see it again.

Granted, this group of women have known each other for a long time so there was an enormous amount of trust to do this exercise.  They also have seen each other in many different circumstances so knew each other well.  And they are as a group very thoughtful, observant, insightful and positive women.  

Do you think you can find such a similar circle of friends who would be willing to gift each other with this experience of being seen and being appreciated?

As you may imagine, it does wonders for each person's sense of worth.

Please comment on this blog if you'd like to share a similar experience.  Please remember to come back to this blog and share your experiment with this exercise. 

What is the “magic word”?

According to Earl Nightingale, creator of a personal development program called Lead the Field, the magic word is ATTITUDE. Earl builds a strong case for why this is so: it is your attitude that will determine what your life is. “Good attitude—good results. Fair attitude—fair results. Bad attitude—bad results.”

Some of us have been experimenting with this concept in a particular way suggested in Lead the Field. The idea is to treat each and every person you encounter as the “most important person on earth.”

Try it. Try it just for a day. And report back to this blog how it went. 

For those of us who have tried it the results have been truly magical.

Wouldn’t it be a wonderful habit to develop? And to pass on to your children and your grandchildren. And…

(You’ll be reading more about Lead the Field in my future blogs.)

“When I’m worried and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep.  And I fall asleep, counting my blessings…”  Remember that oldie?

Notice how you felt as you were in the moments of feeling grateful.  Right now I’d describe it as serenity, fulfillment and abundance.  Isn’t that a wonderful simple switch to change your emotions or your vibration?

According to Wallace Wattles in the Science of Getting Rich being in the state of gratitude is moving toward the Divine/God.  He writes:  “the mental attitude of gratitude draws the mind into closer touch with the source from which the blessings come.”  So if you want simply to feel closer to a Higher Power move into a state of gratitude.

Most important--remember when you become impatient and frustrated with things as they are, you are dwelling on negativity.  If you believe in the Law of Attraction you’d realize that staying with negativity creates more undesirable results.  But if you can remember to turn to gratitude you turn your attention to the best and invite the best into your life.

Moreover, Wattles writes:  “the grateful mind continually expects good things, and expectation becomes faith.”  It is faith that sustains you while the seeds of your dreams gestate, sprout and grow.

When we are discouraged by the absence of expected results Wattles encourages us to be grateful for the “things yet to come”; be grateful in anticipation of having what you dream about. Isn’t it far better than to sit in despair?

Thus, gratitude helps you sustain the spirit to move forward with your big dreams that the Universe/the formless Substance is bringing into form.

June 4, 2007: I just watched the movie, "Take the Lead," based on a true story of Pierre DuLaine who affected so many lives in NY City schools with his love and teaching of ballroom dancing. Teachers have such possibilities to inspire and motivate, don't they? As you reflect through your teachers through the years, please in your heart thank the ones that gifted you with something life-changing. And share some of your stories with us, please.

I think of my university chemistry professor who in my junior year was my honors colloquium adviser: I remember after talking with him realizing: this man takes me seriously, as if who I was and what I thought were important. You can believe that this made an impact on my self-esteem.

But all our teachers come in various forms, don't they? It's just a matter of perspective. We can learn from what seems like a most unlikely source because always there is teacher in everyone you meet. It's just a matter of our attitude, our lens.

Today I want to mention some teachers of recent years and months to whom I am grateful. Don Miguel Ruiz of The Four Agreements. I have given more copies of this book away than any other. Just before bedtime in the past weeks and months I've read from the following lately: Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now; Abraham-Hicks, Ask and it is Given; Rachel Naomi Remen, Grandfathers' Blessing; Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success; Gangaji, You are That!

Please tell us about your teachers.

“The Secret” has made the Law of Attraction a common subject in many circles this past year. Unless you have studied the Science of Getting Rich you may not know that it is not one of the major laws but a corollary to the Law of Vibration.

One application of this lesser known law is something we all have experience with. Consider how some places and some people have certain vibrations that feel good or bad, not complementary to ours. They have “bad vibes,” you might say. Those that have pleasant higher vibrations make us feel good or calm or even joyful.

One daily use of this law is to recognize that we can choose to start and/or end the day with higher vibration. Reading from inspirational books at either time can accomplish this. Writing, thinking or speaking about what you’re grateful for definitely elevates your spirit and vibration. Experiment with this practice and see whether you can feel the difference.

Or remember to use this law when you find yourself in a “bad mood” or feeling stressed during the day. You can decide to move your thoughts to those of gratitude or to those you love without hesitation (grandchildren are wonderful for this). Or, listening to soothing, upbeat or calming music also helps.

Unless you insist on dwelling on negativity—worries, being upset or angry, thinking and talking about negative people or incidents—it’s important to have a repertoire of higher vibration activities. So when you want something positive, you can turn your focus to one of from your list of “things that make you feel good.”

The wonderful by-product of this is that good vibrations are catching. You can be the reason that someone else feels good because they made contact with your good vibrations. It pays forward, doesn’t it?

We met for lunch at a popular bakery, my friend and I. When I asked her what was going on for her, she talked about a cousin who was ill with cancer. My friend was called on a Wednesday, and asked to leave on Saturday to join her cousin on a trip to Africa to meet with a Belgian healer.

They spent 3 days with this healer who could “see” the cancer in her cousin’s body. And he could hear her thoughts that were related to the cancer. He could always hear other people’s thoughts and believed that everyone could, he told my friend later. Now he was using this gift along with others to help people with their healing.

Isn’t that amazing?

What does that story have to do with us?

We don’t need someone to hear our own thoughts, do we? Each of us has the choice to listen to our thoughts to hear what is related to the pain, the suffering, the unhappiness in our lives. Many don’t realize that our thoughts are the source of our reality…our joys as well as our suffering. So many don’t make the effort to learn what our thoughts are and the consequences of them.

You have this opportunity. Please consider becoming aware of the relationship between what you think and what you experience. It's a powerful tool for changing your life.

PS I am making a commitment to blog frequently until I am doing it once a day. Please join me. Click on comment either for this entry or any of the others to begin your blog.

Hello and a warm welcome to you: 

Today is 2/22/07 and it's a day for celebration--the start of my blog site calling all women in midlife, those about to enter midlife, and those who have transitioned through midlife.  You are extended an invitation to participate in a forum to share your experiences, your challenges, your questions, your answers, your concerns, your celebrations, your wisdom, etc....thus to create a growing circle of women supporting women through midlife transitions. 

Many authors have written about us but because we are so many and have our own history and view of the world there is no accurate or complete picture of how midlifers, prospective midlifers and post-midlifers are doing.  Are you willing to contribute to this resource by letting us "hear" your voice?

What are/were some of your midlife challenges?  What is/was most helpful to you? 

What woman between the ages of 40 to 60 do you most admire and why?

What is your "picture" of yourself that you'd like to grow to be? 

My midlife challenges:  important relationships beginning and ending; financial challenges; discovering and cultivating my many interests...  What helps me the most is being open-minded and eager to learn.  I have as my goal full consciousness, a million dollar year, helping others with their dreams and living joyfully.

Please join me.

Blessings to you,

Hajime ("begin"), www.coach4womeninmidlife.com